


All My Indecision, All Of My Excess

by Thunder_the_Wolf



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ashfur gets his Comeuppance, Cats still don't know that he tried to kill Firestar, Grief/Mourning, but at least he didn't die a martyr, guess that one's going to the grave
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 18:55:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25720183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thunder_the_Wolf/pseuds/Thunder_the_Wolf
Summary: Brambleclaw’s family dies in the fire in Long Shadows. Ashfur survives. Brambleclaw must know why.
Relationships: Brambleclaw/Squirrelflight (Warriors), Firestar/Sandstorm (Warriors)
Kudos: 46





	All My Indecision, All Of My Excess

**Author's Note:**

> Set this to Masterpiece Theatre III by Mariana's Trench and you'll have Brambleclaw's mindset.

Brambleclaw couldn’t explain what he was feeling when he first got the news. He spent days wandering the forest calling out for his mate and kits. He didn’t go to their vigil, refusing to believe that any of them were actually dead. He knew his family. They’d found a way out.

Cats came up to him at the next Gathering, offering their condolences. Tawnypelt and her mate sat with him through the whole thing. He couldn’t bring himself to sit at the base of the tree and look down on all those cats when he couldn’t pick out his mate’s ginger pelt. When his youngest son wasn’t sitting with the medicine cats. When his daughter and oldest son weren’t talking to their friends. Lionblaze had reconnected with a WindClan friend of his after moons of not really approaching any of the rival Clan at Gatherings. Hollyleaf sat with Cinderheart, Poppyfrost, and Honeyfern. He always thought it was cute that his friendship with Sorreltail had been passed down to their kits. Speaking of, Sorreltail sat on his other side with her mate, Brackenfur. They’d both been determined to come tonight and support him at the Gathering. Ashfur didn’t approach him at all, though Ferncloud was part of the group that was determined to shield him from the rest of the world.

He wonders if Squirrelflight tried to shield their kits from the fire.

Oh. There’s Ashfur. Disturbing the Gathering as Firestar prepares to call it to a close. What for, Brambleclaw doesn’t know.

* * *

By the end of the Gathering, Brambleclaw is furious. How dare he spread such lies about his family when they can’t defend themselves! How dare he make cats question their place in ThunderClan!

Leafpool and Squirrelflight couldn’t have kits. Leafpool was bound by the rules of StarClan and Squirrelflight was thought to be infertile. His kittens were a miracle, the only litter Squirrelflight would ever have, and they were destined for greatness. He wasn’t just saying that as their father but being the kits of the deputy and the leader’s daughter helped.

Ashfur was laughed off the leader’s tree and he disappeared from the clearing. Everyone gave him a wide berth and snickers could be heard even from where Brambleclaw sat near the trees that outlined it.

“Can you believe him? The insolence!” Sorreltail screeched as she struggled to hold in her laughter. “Even if the ThunderClan medicine cat could have kits, there’s no reason to say that she did! Those three were a gift! They brought joy to the nursery as well as the Clan and were great friends to my kits. Everyone loved them and for him to say such a cruel thing is fox-hearted!”

Brambleclaw agreed, and he planned to confront Ashfur when they returned to camp.

* * *

“What makes you think those three weren’t mine?” Brambleclaw burst out when he caught sight of the speckled grey tom.

“Bramble, don’t…” Ferncloud insisted, pressing her pelt against his and wrapping her front paw around his leg. “He was being a mouse-heart. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

Brambleclaw shook himself out to dislodge her paw and glared at her brother.

“He looked pretty sure of himself when he was up there saying it, Ferncloud, and I want to know why.”

“Why? You want to know why?!” Ashfur snarled. “It’s the last thing she said to me before she died.” He sneered. “That they weren’t her kits, that she wasn’t in the nursery as long, that she didn’t give birth to them. She fooled all of you! And she was so arrogant that she didn’t even think I would tell!” The grey tom cackled.

“Why… how do you know that?” Brambleclaw rasped. “Ashfur?” The words tasted like rotten crowfood in his mouth. “How do you know her last words? Did you see her during the fire?”

“No.” The traitor snorted.

“You’re lying.” Brambleclaw ground out. “About everything. And you made a fool of yourself for nothing.”

“Why don’t you ask Leafpool what she knows?”

“I’m not going to do that because what she knows is between her and Squirrelflight. That’s how giving birth works, you Stars-forsaken badger’s dung! You would know that if you ever had any kits yourself. But no, you just had to try and ruin mine.”

“He didn’t ruin them.” Ferncloud sneered. “Lionblaze was too good for him to mentor so he didn’t even try. The other two were out of his reach. You were the best father you could be, Brambleclaw. And they know that.”

“I… I’m going for a walk.” Brambleclaw said at last. “Alone.” He amended after Ferncloud and Sorreltail both asked if he wanted someone with him.

The forest was as bare and devoid of life as he felt. No leaves crunched beneath his paws or waved in the wind. The trees shook as the winds howled. If reminded him sharply that leafbare was here, even if it did come early for ThunderClan’s territory. Any prey they could find would likely be too burnt to be any good. He couldn’t hunt. There was no one to fight. No way to vent his frustrations. Even if howling his sorrows to the skies made him feel any better, there was no guarantee that Squirrelflight would hear him. He decided to try anyway, and this spot was as bare as any other in the forest. He sat for a while, coat bristling and tail twitching as he tried to pull his thoughts together.

“How could he say that about you?” Brambleclaw whispered at last. “How could he lie like that? And why Leafpool? Why not just say that you found a loner or something and took in their kits? If that’s even the truth. They’re our kits, why would he…?”

Brambleclaw flopped to the hard, packed earth.

“Oh, Squirrelflight.” He mewled. “We were doing so well. Our kits got their names! Jayfeather completed his medicine cat training, can you believe that?! I always knew the other two would be alright, but… we worried about him a bit more. I know he won’t want to hear that. And I still think Firestar should have given Brightheart a chance, but in the end, I guess it was up to him. I spent every day hoping he wouldn’t regret it. He’s always been rather grumpy, so it was hard to tell sometimes, but I hope he liked his job, at least. He was definitely better with herbs than his sister, for sure. “Hollyleaf, our little thinker.” Brambleclaw crooned. “Not to say that Lionblaze wasn’t clever in his own right, but she really was a stickler for the rules. Liked to think that everything had to be done by the Code or else. I wonder what she would say if she knew about the Dark Forest. Honestly, I didn’t think she would get her warrior name so easily. She was a rather good hunter and her fighting skills were… okay, but she wasn’t much of a fighter. Originally I was okay with her going to the medicine den because I figured she preferred words to claws, but she said later on that she was using it to be important. It takes a lot to recognize something like that.

“It takes a lot to realize when something is wrong with how you’re living your life. And that was one of the things I failed to do with Lionblaze. Do you think… if I’d asked after him beforehand… if I’d paid more attention, would you all be here right now?”

Brambleclaw shuddered at the thought and closed his eyes. Pain wracked his frame as he struggled to think of something else, anything else…

* * *

_When he woke up, he was in a similarly barren place with dead trees. There was no wind here, though, and worse yet, there was another cat._

_Seeing his father was like looking at a pool of water and having his own face staring back at him. Cats flinched away from him when he was younger and it was times like this that he could see why._

_“You have my deepest sympathies.” Was unexpected coming from Tigerstar, the cat who was ready to kill two of Brambleclaw’s friends just because they had parents in different Clans. “I can only imagine what I would do if I were in your place. I lost Goldenflower and you and your sister through my own actions, and I have no one to blame but myself. This… this is something completely beyond any cat’s control, and I would likely want to die myself if I lost you all like that.”_

_“What am I doing here?” Brambleclaw asked, voice shaking with several emotions he refused to name._

_“It’s not like you can commiserate with anyone else.” Tigerclaw chuckled. “They would never understand the helplessness you’re feeling, the rage and pain and despair you’re cycling through.”_

_Sure they would. They were likely all going through the exact same thing. Squirrelflight was Firestar’s daughter, Leafpool’s sister, a friend to many cats. She was a cat of a Clan. She didn’t just belong to him and the kits. He wasn’t the only cat in ThunderClan who lost family._

_Just the only one who’d lost his_ entire _family._

_“And who do you think is responsible for that?” Tigerclaw sneered._

_“Aside from you?” Brambleclaw drawled, annoyed. “No one. It was a fire. No cat can contend with nature.”_

_“You’re forgetting something, son.” Tigerclaw purred eerily. “That grey cat tried to ruin your life by ruining their reputation. And he said he saw them in the fire, yes? How exactly did he know your mate’s dying words if he wasn’t the reason she was there in the first place?”_

_“He should have died with them.” Brambleclaw growled bitterly._

_“That can be arranged, son.”_

* * *

Brambleclaw squeezed his eyes shut and when he opened them, he was back in the waking world.

Cats were calling for him, Sorreltail and Ferncloud and Firestar and Sandstorm among them. What would they say if they knew he’d been talking to his father?

Nothing, because they will never know.

“There you are!” Sandstorm was the one to find him, her pale fur ragged in some places and her green eyes shining with tears. “What were you doing all this time? It’s nearly sunrise!”

“Talking to Squirrelflight.” Brambleclaw admitted. Among other things.

“Stars have a way of showing they can hear us.” Sandstorm offered quietly. “Are you ready to come back to camp?”

“I… I guess.” Brambleclaw choked out. “You go on ahead. I’ll be a few steps behind you, I just…”

“Need to think? Sure. We can split up, see if there’s anything worth hunting around here.”

“Yeah.” Brambleclaw mused.

 _Like Ashfur._ His traitorous mind supplied.

Sandstorm waited until he got to his paws and started walking before she led him through the forest. They didn’t find much in the way of prey and eventually, they split up and widened their search. Brambleclaw figured he could treat it like a dawn patrol. It was in this frame of mind that he found Ashfur on the WindClan border, staring at the river that divided the two Clans’ territories.

“You killed them, didn’t you?” Brambleclaw’s voice wavered as he said the words, still not quite wanting to believe that any cat could do something this vile, this _evil_ … but then again, he knew Tigerclaw.

“They didn’t escape the fire because of you. That’s how you heard Squirrelflight’s last words.”

“And even now they don’t matter.” Ashfur muttered bitterly. “No one believed a word I said.”

“Did it ever occur to you that she was lying?!” Brambleclaw snapped, storming forward to stand nose-to-nose with the cat who killed his family. “Did you even think that it was something she would do to save her own life?! Or were you so Star-damned pathetic that you took her at her word?”

“If you’d seen her-!”

“ _I don’t have to!_ ” Brambleclaw roared. “I know my mate! I know my kits! Even if it’s not a lie, even if they are still Firestar’s kin, what makes you think it was appropriate to spew such nonsense at a Gathering?!”

“That’s what you’re concerned about?” Ashfur laughed. “Your mate is a lying faithless scrap of nothing but public humiliation is where you draw the line?!”

“You tried to destroy their reputations. In the end, you only destroyed your own. But you also destroyed their lives… so now I’m going to destroy yours.”

* * *

Brambleclaw carried the grey tom back to camp. Ashfur wasn’t dead yet. Hopefully, he would live to see the judgment of the rest of his Clanmates, but that remained to be seen. Right now, he was blinded by Brambleclaw’s paws and gagging on water.

“Stay awake!” The brown tabby snapped. “Even if you can’t see or hear, you’re going to live.”

Cats were stunned by Ashfur’s wounds but no one was surprised when Brambleclaw explained the full extent of their conversation.

Leafpool said she would do what she could for the grey tom, but not to expect anything. When he was sure the murderer was gone, he spoke again.

“I cannot be the deputy you all need. Not while that cat remains part of the Clan and likely not even if he leaves it. I wouldn’t be fair to any of you. You need a deputy that can be strong and fair and I just don’t have that in me.”

“Brambleclaw… why does it sound like you’re leaving?” Ferncloud asked, dismayed.

“Because I haven’t decided yet. I almost killed your brother, Ferncloud. You can’t honestly expect me to stick around and watch this play out.” Brambleclaw snorted.

Not like he had many reasons to stay here anyway. The cats who relied on him were dead and the ones who remained all had their own lives to live, their own families to be close to and their own kin to help raise. He’d lost all that in a single night and then he’d gone and made it worse. There was no coming back from this.

“I can barely accept you stepping down as deputy,” Firestar scowled. “But we still need you as a Clanmate. I still need you. You’re my son, Brambleclaw. You always have been. I can’t lose any more family to this.”

Warmth filled Brambleclaw’s body at his leader’s praise, and then a second time as he took in exactly what Firestar was saying.

“Ashfur killed three cats.” Ferncloud insisted. “He said so himself. As far as I’m concerned, even if he lives, he’s not coming near my family. And he’s definitely not coming near you.”

Brambleclaw exhaled roughly. He didn’t deserve this. He’s possibly killed a cat in cold blood and nobody seems to care. This Clan was too good for him… but he would take it.

Even with Squirrelflight and his kits gone, he somehow remained very lucky.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally this was going to be a lot darker. Brambles was going to have a Point of No Return where he killed Ashfur like Hollyleaf did and that would break him enough to go back to camp, step down as deputy, and either live out the rest of his life as a loner or go drown himself in the river. I hadn't decided until I was literally writing this out and I'm still not sure. Hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
